Labels for Lent

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a friend about labels and our need to define things. He said that he sometimes questions his sexuality and isn't sure if he's accepted himself being gay. So I said he shouldn't label himself and just go with whatever he's attracted to; love the person not the gender.

It's only afterwards that I started to think more about what I'd said. I know a lot of people who don't like identifying with being gay simply because of the stereotypes that are associated with it. Especially in Cape Town where a large portion of the gay community is considered to be highly superficial and vapidly vain, if you are not into "the scene" this can often count highly in your favour when meeting other guys who view "the scene" as something poisonous.

The more I think about it, the more I think this is silly. While I understand the psychological reasoning behind why we as humans feel the need to label and define things, I don't think it diminishes us in any way to let go of those definitions. For instance, imagine you listen to a piece of music and you hear an instrument you've never heard before, a sound that you find attractive. Most people would try to find out what it is, but whether you know what instrument it is or not doesn't change the fact that you found the sound beautiful.

I think it's the same with people. When getting to know someone, we apply labels to them in order to categorise and understand them: white/black, gay/straight, blue-eyed/brown-eyed, blonde/brunette, male/female. Each of those labels are meant to help us define that person so that we can understand them better, but in most cases those labels also come with societal definitions. Gay means you're attracted to people of the same-sex, straight means you're attracted to people of the opposite sex. Those are definitions that usually lead to certain assumptions.

But does it really have to be that way? Why do I have to label myself as a "gay man"? What if I meet a woman that I find attractive? Am I then miraculously "straight"? Or what if I fall in love with someone who's intersex? Then all traditional definitions fly out of the window.

So I think for Lent (even though I don't usually partake in it) I'm going to give up labels and try a little harder not to be so attached to definitions. I'm not going to think of myself as a gay white male, but as a human being sharing life with other human beings who all come in a wonderful variety of colours, shapes and sizes.